March 2012
25 posts
i want to invest in smoke bombs to carry around in my pocket.
i’m always looking for innovative ways to get out of awkward conversations.
1 tag
she likes to get drunk
and brag to her friends about me
she thinks that i think it’s cute
she thinks it turns me on
but i am a private man.
i’d rather keep the bite marks on my
shoulder
and the scratches on the back of my
neck
between us.
because nothing turns me on more
than a secret.
2 tags
“Jesus, take the wheel”
fuck that.
no offense, Christ, but i don’t recall Joseph giving you driving lessons in the Bible.
i value experience.
if anyone’s taking control of this wheel
it’ll be Ryan Gosling.
1 tag
cool, bro. you cater
but how do i smoke this with
no pipe, no papers?
1 tag
the only thing holding me back from greatness
is the fact that i can’t stay motivated to save my life.
…at least i’ve pinpointed the problem.
i can write.
i can’t write about you.
when you cross my mind,
my thoughts are gibberish.
my heartbeat can’t be controlled.
i pace back and forth
for hours if i’m not made aware of my actions.
my palms sweat.
i hate the way my pencil feels in my hand when my palms sweat.
so, i just don’t write about you
2 tags
fuck.
i mean….
ok.
so, this lady walks into my job.
30-something. business woman. fucking gorgeous.
like…
“what is the heaviest thing in this room? i need to pick it up to impress this woman, right the fuck now” gorgeous.
silly. i know.
she stands at the door for a few seconds, scanning the room.
from the door she makes a bee line towards me.
this is going better...
4 tags
the internet x tay walker :: they say
1 tag
i live in Atlanta.
and i don’t support local artists.
and i don’t have a good reason for not supporting local artists.
and i’d like to change the fact that i don’t support local artists.
david blaine follows me on Twitter.
he’s basically Jesus.
tell my momma i made it.
i mean…
if she likes to be choked
is she crazy?
or…
can that be considered
passionate?
1 tag
my manager told everyone at my job that i got jumped.
????????????????
and now people keep inviting me to their boxing classes.
i’m so confused.
2 tags
i stabbed Cameron Cooper in third grade.
i waited until the teacher wasn’t looking
i pretended to fall out of my chair
and i jammed a safety pin into Cameron Cooper’s arm.
and i made it seem like i had a safety pin in my hand while i used Cameron Cooper’s arm to brace myself before hitting the ground.
but i did that shit on purpose.
i did that shit to see how he’d react.
and i feel...
i can tell my little sister’s going to blossom into a beautiful woman.
fuck…
i have to learn how to use a shotgun.
1 tag
do you think it’ll be hard to sneak a blunt onto a ferris wheel?
i mean…
would you like to come with me to the fair?
i need to fuck a writer.
i’d like to see our sex
turn into beautiful words.
i call all tall women that i find attractive
“sex trees”.
is that offensive?
2 tags
just found out that i read 20% slower than the average adult.
now what?
did i just find out that i’m retarded?
did weed ruin my brain, bruh? were all those fucking commercials forrealz?
do i read slow because i don’t read anything ever enough?
can i blame this on growing up without a father, too? (that’s my new excuse for everything i do wrong now)
how do i get better?! or...
1 tag
nousverrons asked: do you like little dragon?
i’m over my mother’s house.
and the interwebz is moving really fast over here.
i’m trying to download a bunch of good music before i head home to the dead zone.
any suggestions?
3 tags
i haven’t had sex in a week
and i feel like i’m melting.
