when i was 17 i worked at Moe’s Southwest Grill
if you’ve never been to Moe’s, one of the things that they make the employees do is scream “WELCOME TO MOES!” whenever a customer comes thru the doors.
it makes the customer feel welcome, i guess.
so 100+ customers would come in every shift and i would scream WELCOME TO MOES each time. people seemed to actually enjoy us doing that so i didnt mind.
after a while though, it became a problem for me outside of work.
like…
whenever someone would open a door
anywhere
i had to force myself to not scream welcome to moe’s.
sometimes it would slip.
once i was sitting in Pre-Calculus. we were taking a test, so it was really quiet in the room. this girl had showed up 20 minutes late for class. she opened the door. i screamed WELCOME TO MOE’S!
i was so embarrassed.
everyone laughed.
my teacher thought i was trying to be funny. she put me out of class.
i failed the test and got detention.
when i was 19 i worked at the restaurant in downtown atlanta.
one night i had just gotten off work. i was walking to the train headed home.
i was holding a box full of lemon pepper chicken wings from work.
a bum was standing outside of the train station
he asked me for change.
i said “nah, but you want these wings?” and offered him the box in my hand.
i had food at my house and he looked hungry as fuck so i offered them.
he said “hell yeah! thank you, my brotha! god bless you!”
i turned and walked towards the train station entrance. then i heard
“hey man! i’m sorry” behind me. i turned around, walked back to the bum and said “huh?”
he held up the box and said “i’m sorry, man. i don’t do lemon pepper…”
when i was 17 i worked at Moe’s Southwest Grill
if you’ve never been to Moe’s, one of the things that they make the employees do is scream “WELCOME TO MOES!” whenever a customer comes thru the doors.
it makes the customer feel welcome, i guess.
so 100+ customers would come in every shift and i would scream WELCOME TO MOES each time. people seemed to actually enjoy us doing that so i didnt mind.
after a while though, it became a problem for me outside of work.
like…
whenever someone would open a door
anywhere
i had to force myself to not scream welcome to moe’s.
sometimes it would slip.
once i was sitting in Pre-Calculus. we were taking a test, so it was really quiet in the room. this girl had showed up 20 minutes late for class. she opened the door. i screamed WELCOME TO MOE’S!
i was so embarrassed.
everyone laughed.
my teacher thought i was trying to be funny. she put me out of class.
i failed the test and got detention.
i was at sweet tomatoes today
(a nigga wanted a salad. what of it?)
i was trying to park
found a sweet ass spot in the front of the restaurant
i was about to pull in when this white guy stole it from me and hurried into the sweet tomatoes
i wanted to rip his fucking head off of his shoulders
so i quickly parked and rushed inside to confront this motherfucker
when i realized that
all white people look the same to me.
fuck
today is the birthday of both my aunt and my little cousin.
i made a post on facebook telling them both happy birthday and along with the post i added a picture of a piece of fried chicken with a lit birthday candle in it.
kinda funny. not too racy. fun for the whole family.
and my uncle comments “Now that is different Drew, I like that young man.”
when i was 13, my mother called me upstairs to her room.
she wanted me to take the clothes basket downstairs and fill it with the laundry from the dryer so that she could fold the clothes.
i walked out of her room and got to the stairs.
then i thought, “i probably could slide down the stairs in this damn clothes basket.”
i imagined it happening. in my head, it went well.
so…i got into the basket. and i pushed myself down the stairs.
i got down about three stairs when the front of the basket got caught on a stair.
the basket flipped and flung me face first down about 20 stairs.
regret.
my mother called down “what was that noise? are you alright?”
i had a knot the size of a golf ball near my knee.
that. shit. hurt. i wanted to cry.
i was too old to be doing shit like this. i was embarrassed.
“yeah, mom. i just…i dropped the basket down the stairs.”
i limped around for a week after that. i told everyone i hurt myself playing basketball.
co-worker: ….i don’t know, man. pimps are weird to me. it’s weird that they have the power to sell people for money.
me: selling people for money sounds kinda awesome, though…
white guy outta nowhere: hell yeah. selling people for money sounds awesome. if i could, i would do it all the time. every time i see a person i think “i wonder how much money i can get for her…” or”he looks strong. i probably could get a lot of money for him.”
me: whoa. uhhh…i don’t know, dude. hearing you say it just reminds me of slavery
co-worker: yeah, can you pull back a little bit?
white guy: aww man, you guys set me up!
when i was 19 i worked at the restaurant in downtown atlanta.
one night i had just gotten off work. i was walking to the train headed home.
i was holding a box full of lemon pepper chicken wings from work.
a bum was standing outside of the train station
he asked me for change.
i said “nah, but you want these wings?” and offered him the box in my hand.
i had food at my house and he looked hungry as fuck so i offered them.
he said “hell yeah! thank you, my brotha! god bless you!”
i turned and walked towards the train station entrance. then i heard
“hey man! i’m sorry” behind me. i turned around, walked back to the bum and said “huh?”
he held up the box and said “i’m sorry, man. i don’t do lemon pepper…”
back in the day
when my little brother and i would get in trouble
my aunt would make us do a bunch of knuckle pushups on her hardwood floors
which seems a bit harsh…
but currently, my brother is doing well enough in football to be scouted by some very decent schools
and i get at least 3 to 4 good blogging hours in a day on Tumblr.
so i guess it worked out for us.
i went to a drive-thru smoke shop today to buy a lighter
and on the drive-thru window there was a sign that read
COME INSIDE
WE DO EYEBROWS
